Get Ready for a Big Gulp of the Haterade!

Dear Babel,

I hate you. You robbed me of two perfectly good hours of my life during which I could have enjoyed any number of other films that would have been more carefully crafted than yours or at least most likely would not have made me want to hang myself from the movie projector. Did you not attend grammar school? During these glorious years I acquired many skills, one of which was how to formulate ideas. You see ideas (or thoughts) are generally things that you think of that are new and innovative. Generally you will think of one and then say aloud to your friend or neighbor "I have an idea". At this point you will share this idea and it will elicit a response such as "Oh good idea" or "I don't like that idea". Never when you have an alleged "idea" should someone, such as the audience at Babel when informed the movie was based off the idea of some overpaid birdbrain in Hollywood, say, "What was the idea?" That means there was in fact no idea at all. Another concept covered in grammar school was the "idea" that in order to write a story there are a few guidelines one must follow. The first is that there should be a beginning, middle, and end to the story. If a story has a particularly poignant, yet abstract idea, perhaps this structure can be forgone, however as previously mentioned, for Babel this was not the case. There may have been a feeble attempt at an idea, but it was clouded over with absolutely asinine scenes filled with nude Asian preteens, make out sessions over bedpans, and a pre-pubescent Moroccan boy spying on his naked sister. I am fairly certain the point/idea that this movie was inspired by is the fear and misconceptions that most Americans have in terms of different cultures. I know you were trying to show how the media misconstrues events. I know you tried to humanize the issues of terrorism and immigration. But honey, you failed. I am no filmmaker, but I can tell you that this movie was so horrifyingly bad that as a die-hard liberal you couldn't even convince me. Babel you were so awful I would almost consider becoming a Republican because of you. I hope you are happy.

Love,

Marissa